School's In

The kids started school last week, and for the first time in a few years, I really wasn't looking forward to it. I have had a great time having my kids home this summer, and it was tough sending them back. Cassie is a junior this year, and Shaina is a freshman. They both have "zero hour," so they leave at 7:10 a.m., and they get home, barring sports or rehearsals of some kind, at about 3:40. Cassie and Shaina are both beautiful, vibrant young women, and I am so pleased with how they are growing up. I just can't believe they are so old!

Jensen started kindergarten this year, and it was a very sad day. . .for me mostly. Jens had a little--well, a lot of--separation anxiety. For about a month leading up to the fateful day, she would say things with a little whine and tear like, "But I never go ANYWHERE without you, Mommy!" "We do EVERYTHING together." "Do I have to go by myself?" She got right up the morning of school, however, and we did her hair and got her dressed and fed, but then she slowed down a little. When Jensen is trying to be brave, trying not to cry, she sucks on her bottom lip a little and her eyes get all watery. That's what we saw the rest of the morning.

She wanted both Brent and I to take her to school, and we both had to walk her to the playground. After watching her make a half-hearted, two second attempt at the swing, I told her I was going to go home. She said, "Ok, Mommy," and she turned to go back to the playground. I turned to leave, but I couldn't resist a last peek over my shoulder to see if she was playing. She wasn't. She was running full speed at my back with tears in her eyes, and when I reached for her, she jumped into my arms and held on as tight as she could and said, "Can you please just stay to walk me to my class?" I would like to say that I was very stoic and calm, but I wasn't. I was crying by then, but I tried really hard not to let her see (not too tough, actually, since her face was buried in either my neck or my leg from then until we got to the classroom). Once we actually got to her room, though, she let go and walked right in. Brent practically had to drag me from the window of the room, but I finally went to the car. I asked him to drive home even though he didn't have his license with him. I couldn't see.

When Dalin went to kindergarten, I was a little sad, but I had two other little ones at home to keep me busy, and I knew I'd be doing this again, and again. Even when Shaina went, I thought I would be getting another child through adoption, so it didn't have the finality of a last child. This kindergarten first day, though, has done me in. I have to stay very busy to keep from being in a funk, and none of it is any easier this week since I am taking my oldest to college. What is happening to me? Am I really that old? I have a son going to college then on a mission, two gorgeous girls in high school, and my sweet last child in kindergarten. This month has done a number on me. Anyone have any See's chocolates?